Ode to What We've Lost and Found
by Euregatto
Summary: She should have done anything but kiss him back. -Annie x Eren, two-part drabble
1. 1

**A/N**: I was bored and decided to use ideas I had in my head that would never actually go anywhere. Enjoy!

* * *

**Ode to What We've Lost and Found**

An Eren x Annie two part drabble by:** Euregatto**

* * *

It's an earth worm that has crawled too far from the damp soil of the courtyard and now writhes in agony at the bottom of the steps in the searing heat. She watches the pathetic creature suffer with no remorse in her frigid sapphire eyes and a cigarette dangling from her lips, yet still flinches when he crushes it beneath his boot – puts it out of its misery without a second thought, not that it had very long to live, regardless.

"Why would you do that?" She asks when she removes her cigarette, smoke filtering through her nose and lips as her breath leaves her burning lungs.

He plucks the cesspool of disease from her fingertips. "Because it was already dead."

"Like us?" She figures humorlessly.

"_Not_ like us." He perches on the step beside her, lips to her neck, free hand on her back. "We always have a chance at living. We always have hope for the next day. Not that _this_"—he rolls the little stick around in his fingertips—"helps." He sits upright again, staring down at the body pollutant in his grasp. "What do these taste like, anyway? I know they're bad for your health, and smell kinda disgusting, but…"

She allows a small smile to settle into her features. "I'll show you," she offers blithely, taking it back. He observes her with a blank expression as she takes a long drag and leans into him, pressing their lips together; they move to the familiarity of the other, tongue, teeth and all, and the smoke divides between them. He can taste the ash on her, and she can taste the blood on him.

He breaks off suddenly, hand out as if he were a spontaneous beggar on the side streets. "Pack," he demands.

"Didn't like it?"

"No." He's serious with that determined look on his face that sparks itchiness in weird places. It kind of makes him sexier than normal. "It's not worth you getting sick over. Now give me the pack. You're cutting cold turkey whether you like it or not, even if I have to show up at your place every single day and forcibly take whatever you have of these away from you until you get my point."

"You can't just decide this for me," she hisses, but he only wiggles his fingers at her. _Not that it would make a difference. _She rolls her eyes when he won't stop his insistence. "Fine, fine… if it'll make you happy. Here."

When she places the box in his hand he crushes it – she winces – and stuffs it into his back pocket. "_You_ make me happy, Annie," he says finally, rising to his feet. He brushes stray dirt from his knees. "When you finish with that, come join me in the stables and help with the horses before Captain Levi notices we're slacking off."

She watches him go, turns her attention to the splatter of blood that used to be an earth worm, and realizes she's not in the mood to smoke anymore.

**.: :.**  
**.: :.**

Annie doesn't like this penitent, masochistic relationship she's gotten herself into; she wants to carve her heart from her chest and her fragmented memories from her mind with the biggest fucking knife she can find – but he kisses her skin with lips like fire and does this _thing_ with his tongue that pleasures more than just her mouth and earns cries she can no longer swallow, and she can only let the moment pass before everything is quiet again.

Then she thinks.

Even as they kiss – his lips hot and sticky, hers parted to submissively let him in – she _thinks_.

She doesn't remember detail for detail how they started this, but she knows for a fact it was right after she received a notification from her commanding officers: she was suspended for the week for punching that obnoxious womanizing bastard posted with her right in his front teeth after he tried to touch her in very uncomfortable places. (Needless to say, he requested a transfer).

With boredom in her bones and nowhere to go except her empty home, she took her horse and rode to where she knew she could find comfort. It's that castle Reiner told her about via last month's checkup letter… but the name slipped her mind. Something with an S? It didn't matter, because she was now at the front door, greeting Eren Yeager who had been in the courtyard when she strode in.

That leader of theirs, Erwin Smith, welcomed her with open arms (she figured he had some soft spot for Eren, who was more than jubilee that she had paid them a visit, and complacently agreed) and their Lance Corporal merely told her, with a passive grunt, "Make a mess and you'll clean this whole place from top to bottom with your fucking toothbrush."

Armin tried to reassure her that he was in a pleasant mood, surprisingly.

She ended up crashing with Sasha for the first two nights, and then the third night came rolling around. While a good portion of their superiors were gone, Reiner requested that everyone gather in his room to have a spin the bottle drinking game with almost seven different kinds of beer and four kinds of questionable fluids. By the time the third round was up they were all tipsy from the shots, but apparently Eren had picked up Reiner's self-proclaimed 'special concoction' and could barely see straight.

Annie dragged him out by herself because Reiner and Connie were making accusations that Mikasa couldn't hold her alcohol… and some other irking comments because she actually **_gave up Eren_** to prove them wrong.

Annie, of course, didn't know Eren lived a fucking _jail cell_ in a _cellar_, so as soon as he told her that it was his place she was convinced he was wasted. But upon throwing him onto the bed and further investigation of the room, she found all of his stuff was here.

She wanted to cry for him, right there and then, because it wasn't fair what they – wait, shit was she actually feeling _emotion?_ Fucking drinking games.

She meant to leave him alone after that, honestly, but then he was grabbing her wrists and kissing her because "You-You're sssooo pretty" and "I like your eyesss" and even "Y-yyyou're sss-somethin' else and _really_ sexy…" Her reaction time was elongated by the buzzing in her head. She could barely register what was happening before he was sliding his hands up her hoodie.

She should have kicked him.

She should have floored him.

She should have punched him and screamed at him until they were both deaf.

She should have done anything but _kiss him back_; anything but let him touch her and caress her and use his fingers like _that_, but before she knew it the sun was rising and her clothes were strewn about haphazardly on the floor, sore in specific areas and neck throbbing where a hickey had nested into her pulse point. He was sitting up beside her, head in his hands, apologizing profusely and guilty, guilty, so fucking _guilty_.

But she didn't mind – even though that day he refused to meet her gaze, dodged her presence and made sure Armin and Bernholdt and even that Auruo guy kept her busy. She didn't mind because that night she visited him for another go; no words were exchanged, passion turned to pleasure turned into this intense combination of the two bordering ecstasy, and they didn't have time for regrets.

Night after night for the next few days they kept at it until her suspension was over. Then she left with a simple good-bye, and no one ever knew what happened.

One day, a month and a half later, she was suspended again for punching the same bastard as before, because he had turned a corner so suddenly he "scared me sir, I'm just a poor fragile girl, I had to defend myself". In reality he had tried to avoid her, but she needed an excuse to get out for a while.

His transfer request was finally put through, and she was tossed aside for two weeks until he was gone.

Now she's back here again, in this dark cell beneath this boy who knows exactly how to treat her – who understood her when she was hurt or put a smile on her face when she wanted to be alone.

"Annie?"

She turns her hazy cobalt gaze in his direction. He's staring down at her, concerned because she's detached; caught within her own mind. "Yeah?"

"Are you OK?"

"I was thinking…"

"About?"

She sighs absently and slides a palm along the center of his chest. His heart drums soothingly in the cage of his chest and she can feel it through his calloused skin. "It's nothing important," she answers finally, pulling him down to meet her lips. He slips his hand under the sheet, doing that _thing_ he does with his fingers that makes her blush and moan his name in her throat and into his mouth.

Then he moves to her neck, finding the already tender skin of her pulse point and nipping at it. "As long as you're OK," he whispers. "That's all that matters."

She wants to break his spine at that. And she would be far from gentle.

That night he takes her hard and fast; they don't care if Erd could've heard them from his position up the stairs, because he's most likely passed out drunk – it's his way of escaping from it all, the death and the violence and sliver of hope they can just barely hold on to. Annie wonders, as Eren pulls her close and she falls into a deep sleep, if _this_ – whatever it's called – is their way of escaping, too.

Not that they'll be running for long.


	2. 2

**A/N**: Good luck having a great day now suckers! ~Tumbles out the door~ OK but seriously, thank you for all your thoughtful reviews last chapter! They made my day ^_^ also, I felt like writing something sad because I was in the mood (I get particularly creative at night) to poke at your emotions. Oh, yes, and this is the second part of the drabble. Decided to expand it with even more useless ideas.

_**Important Notes**_: Hitch and Marlo are real characters. For those of you who only watch the anime, they're in the manga, stationed with Annie. Hitch is an absolute bitch. Marlo looks like he's the lovechild of the Three Stooges. Maxie and Devon are the names I assigned to those other guys also stationed with her who didn't have names... ~I love Hitch, she's hilarious.

* * *

**..**

**..**

**..**

**..**

_"Can I tell you I love you?"  
She straddles his waist, moaning briefly as he slides into her familiar warmth with ease.  
"I'd prefer if you proved it."_

**..**

**..**

**..**

**..**

Hitch has this unconventional way of expressing her thoughts, which includes physically harassing her object of topic with zero regard for the people she's affecting. Unfortunately for Annie, she's her roommate's current source of piqued interest… or, rather, her breasts are. Hitch sits at the table with her intense, emerald stare locked on Annie's chest, and her fingers prodding the perfectly round features beneath the ash-gray sweatshirt.

"They're really big. Let me hold them."

Marlo, across the table, instantly chokes on his water. "H-Hitch!" He exclaims, "You can't just ask her something like that!"

"And why not? They're bothering me. Don't they look bigger than usual?" She takes the liberty of cupping the closest one, weighing it in her hand like she's a human scale. "See! They're totally bigger! When the hell did this happen?!"

Maxie is snorting behind his hand in failed attempt not to laugh. Marlo glares at him and then at the girls. "Knock it off! She'll punch you out like she did Elliot."

"I'm just jealous." Hitch finally lets Annie go and turns back to her meal. They're having some kind of soup with chicken and rice, but it may as well be stew. It's good, none-the-less. "I want big boobs."

"I think you want boobs _period_." Maxie waves his spoon at her before sticking it in his bowl. "I couldn't find those if I had a magnifying glass." He reflexively ducks under her knife as it soars into the wall behind him.

Annie isn't very interested in eating, and she's too tired to deal with them. She hasn't been sleeping well because she's too sick to lie down for more than ten minutes at a time; her stomach refuses to quell in the presence of food, despite her sudden longing for it, and she ends up vomiting only a few minutes after every meal. This time she settles for tea – her least favorite drink – and stirs it around absently.

Marlo notices almost instantly – because he pays attention to the little things around him, no matter how much of a dolt people believe him to be – and tilts his head. "Hey, Miss Unsociable, are you alright? You look like you saw a ghost."

"I'm fine," she responds emotionlessly. Talking to them hasn't been one of her main concerns.

Hitch instantly shoves her in the shoulder. "Don't get close to me if you're sick! I have no intentions of catching your flu!"

Maxie rolls his eyes. "Knowing you, Hitch, you have every sexually transmitted disease on the face of the planet."

"_Pfft_, probably."

Annie watches them bicker back and forth before turning her gaze elsewhere, sapphire eyes glazed over with a weariness brought about by exhaustion. _Maybe it's withdrawal from the cigarettes… _she thinks, _but then why wasn't I sick two weeks ago, when Eren crushed my last pack? I've had the itch for a smoke but not this badly… _She tells herself that she just misses him. It's been a whole week since she's returned to her station but it feels longer than that. _Much longer…_

She turns her attention back onto her team when Hitch makes an incoherent remark. "Hm?"

"I asked if you're getting fat because you've been slacking off a lot."

Hitch had asked this question the night before, when she was leaning over the edge of the upper bed, chin recumbent in one hand and her legs kicking up in the air. She was not-so-discreetly observing Annie as she changed out of her uniform, emerald eyes skimming the blonde's exposed figure with a keen disinterest. Then she asked her silent friend that dreaded question.

Annie shrugs passively, sipping on her drink.

"Maybe you're on your period or something."

"HITCH!" Marlo snaps and the girl raises her hands defensively. "Seriously, we're eating!"

The gears within Annie's mind grind to a halt and she turns her attention to her lap. Something within her snaps – she abruptly gets up and stalks out the room without a word, moving urgently despite the lack of interest in her features.

Hitch glances in her wake. "Hey! Annie! I was kidding, don't be so angry!"

Devon, at the end of the table, slaps his hand over his face. "Way to go."

"Annie!" Hitch calls. "Dammit, I'll get her." She swings off the bench and practically skips out the door, hands in her pockets and her hazel eyes scanning the corridor. Annie is at the other end on the stair case, head in her hands, uttering something under her breath. Hitch approaches her cautiously. "Uh, don't kill me please. I didn't mean to get your panties in a twist."

"I missed."

"You what?"

"I missed. Twice."

Hitch presses her lips into a thin line and moves closer, standing right at the girl's knees. "Uh-huh… that's not abnormal, you know."

"It means I'm pregnant."

"Ah, fuck, who's the baby daddy?" Hitch perches on the step at Annie's side, brushing shoulder-to-shoulder. "Is it that Eren guy from the Recon Corps who wrote you those letters last month?"

"Yes."

"Well hot damn. So that's where you went." She pats her roommate on the back. "Listen, I'm not good at this comforting stuff, but… I'm here for you if you need a shoulder to cry on! May as well. Everyone else is too fuckin' tall for you."

Annie doesn't say anything for the rest of the day – not that anyone notices – and Hitch isn't surprised to find her missing the next morning, gone with her bag, horse and all.

**..**

**..**

**..**

**..**

_"You're not mad at me?"  
"Why would I be? …Annie, it's OK. We still have seven months to figure this out. And right now I don't regret a thing."_

**..**

**..**

**..**

**..**

Hitch knows there's something wrong because the room is quieter than usual, and she awakens to the intense silence in the midst of the night. The dark is illuminated fairly well by a lit candle that sits on the floor, even though it is almost burnt down to the base; she sleeps on her stomach, normally, so she crawls over to the break in the railing and peers down, an ominous feeling swelling in her gut. "Annie? Are you awake?"

Then she hears Annie sobbing, and the flame dances across what looks like blood. Hitch immediately climbs down the ladder, dropping to her knees at the head of Annie's bed, and nearly bites through her tongue trying to hold back a scream. There is blood alright – it's soaking into the sheets and shorts beneath Annie's legs as she curls against the wall, weeping into her arms.

Hitch joined the Military Police so she could be lazy, and avoid seeing so much blood out on the battlefield… but here it is, liquid crimson and sadness and all.

_Of course, with her body being so young... _Wordlessly, and out of sheer pity, she helps Annie up, carries her over to the bathroom, and lets her wash off before stripping the bed of its sheets, leaving them on the floor in a haphazard pile.

She finds a spare pair of pants buried in her drawer just as Annie finally emerges from the bathroom and hands them to her. "Here," Hitch says quietly, "you can sleep with me."

Annie wordlessly slides the pants on and follows the other girl up the ladder. The bed shifts as they settle under the covers; Hitch runs her nails along Annie's back when she shivers, fever quickly rising and body tightening, and hums soothingly into her ear. It's the first time Hitch is truly and genuinely nice to her, but she won't see this kind of care again for a long while.

They sit at the coffee table in silence during breakfast the next day.

Annie again isn't eating, intently staring at nothing, and Hitch plays with her food. She wears a kind of despondent expression that only occurs during the small interims of the day when being serious is required. Marlo notices of course. He always notices. "Wow, you're certainly talkative today," he quips, remark in Hitch's direction. She doesn't bother to acknowledge him. "Where's the funeral?"

"Stop," she utters, crystallized emerald eyes lowering to her plate, "just… don't. Not right now."

The table falls eerily silent. Maxie glances between her and Annie. "Did something happen?"

Marlo pokes him in the arm with his elbow. "Leave it alone. If they want to tell us they can."

"Yeah, but… Never mind."

Annie gets up and shuffles out, hands in her pockets and head hung. Hitch doesn't say a word.

**..**

**..**

**..**

**..**

_"We've been so careless… and now… How can you still love me, Eren? How can you not regret this?"  
"Because you're the best decision I've ever made, Annie."  
She smiles, faintly.  
"Because we don't have time for regrets."_

**..**

**..**

**..**

**..**

**~FIN~**


End file.
